Trying to find answers!!!……Its all me at Grey cells ……. Unfinished thoughts

My dream

Posted in Child in me, Dreams, That's me, Thoughts by nagaje on February 28, 2007

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Dreams are never a bad trip….. I have this dream place.. Australia.  One day I want to be here!!

I do not know anything about this place I am clueless as to how I would go about making this happen But only thing I am damn sure is one day!! one fine day I  am there  😉

Now that’s what I call my blind dream ………….

Hmmmm……….Change is constant!!

Posted in That's me by nagaje on February 23, 2007

Just felt like changing the Look and feel of my pages… But that does not change my thought process!!! 😉

Thanks!!!! A Great Feeling

Posted in Great thinking, life, Thank you..., Thoughts by nagaje on February 21, 2007

Vandane…Shukrian…Shukran… Dhanyavaad…Mehrbani…Merci….Arigato..Gracia….. Gràcies…. Abhari ahi…..Romba nanringa…… Dhanyavaadaalu…..THANKS !! an expression of gratitude????

The word “gratitude” and the word “grace” come from the same Latin word, “gratus”, meaning “pleasing” or “thankful.”

How many of us have heard small kids say..’Thank you aunty’ ..’Thank you Uncle’.. and you ask them who taught & prompt comes the reply ..Mommy / Daddy.. rgt????  Most of parents are hell  bent upon teaching  new borns to say Thanks.. But how many of us are Really doing the same???..Saying Thanks ??? Not many … one survey conducted said hardly a small percentage of people say thanks..I am certainly not talking about feeling of thanks..May be yes!! most of us do feel it…  But saying it Loud and Clear…  ” THANKS “

Most of the relationships miss saying Thanks.. b’coz we take them for granted!! we try to think they know how we feel … we let them take a guess.. but I am damn sure its lot more easier,  to say those simple sweet two words  Thank You ‘

Say “Thank You” for anything and everything in your life.

I have also heard that saying ‘Thank you’  makes lot of feel good harmones flow in our system and makes us feel great!! So Now we can say thanks not for others but for ourselves rgt??? 😉

Psychologists around the world have found that having an greatful attitude is good for overall well being..A study has proved that people who were thankful have experienced comfortable emotions than those who cribbed on life’s hassels…..   🙂

There is ‘ Thanks giving day ‘ for celebrations … may be that is a good reminder for all of us that how much we are using ‘ Thank you’… Once an year …. Should we not be Thankful for everyhing in our lives..Each day  at that.

Philosophically speaking there are so many people who are more underprivilaged than most of us.. but how many of us are really thankful for whatrever we have in life?? Even is that might be a small thing for us… it may be a life’s need  for someone else !!                                                                                                                                                         

          THANK YOU  !!!

 

Though I have a big list of things to thank for … now  I say Thanks All those who have read my musings ….if at all I have touched few hearts I am more than glad.

Thank you

Nagaje.

Belief…. as a friend said!!

Posted in Belief, Great thinking, Thoughts by nagaje on February 20, 2007

I believe . . .

that we don’t have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I believe . . .

that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

 I believe . . .

 that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe . . .

that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe . . .

that it’s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe . . .

that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe . . .

 that you can keep going
long after you can’t.

I believe . . . that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe . . .

that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe . . .

that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take its place.

I believe . . .

that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe . . .

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe . . .

that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe . . .

that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you’re down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe . .

that sometimes when I’m angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me
the right to be cruel.

I believe . . .

that just because someone doesn’t love
you the way you want them to doesn’t
mean they don’t love you with all they have.
You have to decide if that is enough.

I believe . . .

that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you’ve had
and what you’ve learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe . . .

that it isn’t always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe . . .

that no matter how bad your
heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for
your grief.

I believe . . .

that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who
we become.

I believe . . .

that just because two people argue,
it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other
And just because they don’t argue,
it doesn’t mean they do.

I believe . . .

that you shouldn’t be so eager
to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I believe . . .

that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.

I believe . . .

that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.

I believe . . .

that even when you think you
have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe . . .

that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being….. you got  to be HUMAN!!!

Marriage???

Posted in life, Marriage, Relation, Thoughts by nagaje on February 19, 2007

Marriages are made in heaven and Consummated on earth …but 😉 not always!!!

Marriage, if one will face the truth, is an evil, but a necessary evil.

 Marriage I have heard ………….. “The institution of marriage was begun that a man and a woman might learn how to love and, in loving, know joy; that a man and a woman might learn how to share pain and loneliness and, in sharing, know strength; that a man and woman might learn how to give and, in giving know communion. The institution of marriage was begun that a man and woman might through their joy, their strength, and their communion become creators of life itself. Marriage is a high and holy state, to be held in honor among all men and women. Marriage is a low and a common state, to be built of the stuff of daily life. Men and women are not angels, nor are they gods. Love can become hatred; joy, sorrow, marriage, divorce. But human beings are not condemned to failure………..”

😦 Could not understand rgt?? Same here……….

Marriage is a triumph of Imagination over Intelligence 🙂

So many things said and done ..about Marriage.. But I really do not understand if one should get married !! and if yes , reasons that are being established are really meaningless …

I have heard people say..Parents are fixing up  marriage…. Time to settle down…All my friends are married already… Everytime I attend any function people ask me…..I am eldest of the family …My granny wants to see my marriage…I love so  want to get married.. Sounds cute atleast 🙂  

List goes endless rgt???……I wanted to get married because of societal expectations.. But Now…after long years of NO Marriage…I have realised you need not get married at all…and initially people bother u … believe me on this… they really bother U…everywhere you go.. you are hounded by questions… whn r u getting married … why r U not getting married… Broken affair 😉 ??? etc..etc….It starts getting on your nerves.. and thn your own parents are not sparing you……… they come first in the list of people … if you can sustain this for few years … probably they stop bothering !!!  ha ha ha .. thts an illusion again…..

Marriage for me  is to have a comapanion…. for whatever you want to do…in life’s journey  ..Y?? B’coz…………..” Man is  a social being “…. If you can find a person to do this and you also need to commit to the same extent, Then  I guess life can b a bliss….Which does not happen always…It always ends up being compromise… Y so???..No clue!!!!

” If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love”    beautifully said.. &  true too….Lets see whr I am going to end up !!!  because it’s the New begining !!!
 

Insecure???? Read on…..

Posted in life, Love, Relation, Woman by nagaje on February 15, 2007

Angleo Picardi and his team from Italian National Institute of Rome reported in a research that feeling of Insecurity may cause havoc to our Immune system…  matches with another research that says “Chronic stress can Impair Immunity

Now…..  Impact depends upon how an individual responds to the situation… 

It has been proven that people who have difficulty in establishing trust in close relationships show weaker  “ Natural killer  “ I meant The Immune system… is less lethal. 

Researchers have coined ‘ attachment insecurity ‘ which is specially  feeling uncomfortable with the emotional intimacy or worry of being abandoned by the Loved ones…..  

According to O’Connor & Zeanah   ……  

“ Attachment is fundamental to healthy development, normal personality, and the capacity to form healthy and authentic emotional relationships ”   

“Attachment is the base of emotional health, social relationships, and one’s worldview” –Zeanah, C., 1993 Healthy brain development is built on a secure attachment relationship. Attachment is a process. It takes time. Only key to its formation is trust, and trust becomes secure only after repeated testing. 

 Meaning….saying, “I love you,” and knowing what that really feels like, can be two different things.  

Now what are the Sure – Subtle signs of Attachment issues? 

 Ø      Sensitivity to rejection

Ø      Avoiding comfort zone

Ø      Difficulty discussing angry feelings

Ø      Over-valuing looks & Appearances

Ø      Sleep disturbances

Ø      Anxiety about changes

Ø      Secretiveness   

This can have adverse effects throughout the lifespan…..markedly disturbed and inappropriate Social Relatedness…..  

Adults have four attachment styles: Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, and Fearful Avoidant…………..  

Style of Secure attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationships…… for them its not an issue if other do not accept them… I love you and I am happy you love me … and no problems if they do not love me

 People Anxious – Preoccupied  style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy & approval from relationships. They value intimacy so much  they become overly dependent…. U know.. “ I love her so much… I do not understand Y she does not love me as much as I love …!”   

Dismissive – Avoidant attachment style of people desire a high level of independence and this  desire for independence is as much as avoidance to attachment. They feel self-sufficient and not vulnerable to feelings related to close  realtionships…… “ I am fine by myself “  is the attitude…  

Fearful – Avoidant attachment style people  have mixed feelings about close relationships more so with the negative views and feel  unworthy of Love and do not Trust!!   “They keep thinking about the intentions of people before & after getting into relationship”

 So complex!! Ain’t??  Lets make ur Relations  better  for others

Valentine!!! a Reason to say I Love You???

Posted in Love, Relation, Thoughts by nagaje on February 14, 2007

We want a Mother’s day … Father’s day… to Love & Respect parents  ………. But  again to show LOVE ??????Do we all need a Day?? A Rose?? a Card?? Chocolate…?? Jewellary??  How childish can we get??????

It’s easy to understand Our Independence day..Republic day… as they happened !!! BUT

Love is a feel that should happen all year along and boss you better show it  24/7 all 365 days of the year 🙂 I   am certainly not saying you can really do that but at least feel it!! We can see lot of hype attached to Feb 14th…. Day of Love ??Ironically across the globe we  have different days for it too!!!

 Companies say..   To your Valentine!  gift a Diamond!! An home  as a valentine gift?? !! what not!!! ……Y cant we say………… ” Your Loved one desrves it ” ……………  ” A home to YOUR  Homemaker ” ???????????? Not Ad lines? Huh??

Papers spill red Hearts ..Loads of glittering Diamonds… Chocolates pour out in enticing shapes … Fashion gurus make statement about the colour of the year …. Pink ?? Red??? Gold…. and Yes!! Shops go wild with the ensemble for all … Export of Red roses reach a newer height !!! Restaurants get a  facelift…Wine , Dine & Dance !!! Red & Pink heart  shaped ballons dance their way all around shopping malls…. people are lured with discounts….

Hmmm… Now If not for a valentine day, would  marketing  b more challenging???

Sometimes I wonder if its the peer pressure that makes a celebration possible on a Valentines day! Unless you tell a friend about what you are doing on Valentines day with your Valentine … you are treated ‘Different’ People feel you are not ‘In’??? you are not a Romantic??? 

Can we not have a small  gesture of each day to promising love ever after???? Each new day a beginning of newer Valentine’s???? Y cant we think that Love is not symbolization but a state of mind … to nurture our relation with the person we care most !!

Make each day a great day for your Valentine… Difficult??? Huh??? Dreams are forever as far as I am concerned!!

Love as some one said!!! Not me but loads of truth!!

Posted in Great thinking, Love, Thoughts by nagaje on February 9, 2007

If you love some one because you think that he or she is really
gorgeous ….then it’s not love .. it’s    “Infatuation”

      If you love some one because you think that you shouldn’t leave him because others think that you shouldn’t … then it’s not love.. it’s “Compromise”

      If you love some one because you have been kissed by him … then it’s not love.. it’s   “Inferiority complex”

      If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings … then it’s not love .. it’s   “Charity”

      If you love some one because you share every thing with him … then it’s not love… it’s    “Friendship”

      BUT…

      If you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him … that’s     “LOVE”

      If you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets… that’s “LOVE”

      If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn’t want to …that’s     “LOVE”

Trust v/s love……?????

Posted in Love, Relation, Thoughts by nagaje on February 8, 2007

‘How can u trust someone u love’  Some one accessed my blog using this Tag  … Thanks to him/ her they provided me another topic to ponder upon and let my thought process go with the wind 😉

It’s Difficult to point and say this is a sure success story to trust the person U love…But I am damn sure always that until trust is around love can not happen!! never the reversal that u start trusting the guy you love .. You love b’coz u feel 😉 at least that U  can trust him / her… otherwise don’t tell me that you do not trust somebody and you can declare dying love to the person..

Just lemme’ give U  a picture…… Imagine ‘A father holding the small baby,  throws the kid in the air and that toddler totally unaware of what can happen if the papa misses the catch………still can burst into peels of laughter……’See this is what I mean by trust!!! Kids do not doubt anyone that’s the reason they can smile with everyone.. they love all…..

Now……..  As we grow up we start having our own sweet perceptions of people we start categorising them … We feel we can trust someone… and do not really get along with few…its  LIFE!!!

But To love … I do not understand when people say ” Love at first sight ”  I have not been able to do so! Love a person I know nothing about him/her… Some say your heart knows… could be… But …Heart can only love but when it comes to trust I guess its your brain that takes control… and it needs all logical reasons to trust a person…Trust alone is a world of content by itself and I can sit ages discussing..its need and beauty!!

One of the sayings of Guru Rajaneesh says …” Love comes as a season and goes as a season … and never it is constant “[ Not put in exact words !!] I feel this is right …We do understand that  change is the only constant in life  and people do change!! So its up to U do decide if you can really trust some one rest of the life…….

I am more than proud to say I have maintained relationships beyond 13 years with some and its always with its humps on road to life!! I have had moments when I felt my entire existance was dependent on some person and some times anything the same person does has no impact on me!! Is that a surprise!! NO that’s the reality!!

Trust requires constant assurence….. approval…… its a big challenge to maintain trust ……especially if its a person u r in love with … as it has too many dimensions and too many people attached with it!! trust on professional circles are pretty easy ! on Business relations have its set of rules .. but with a person u love its too dynamic and ever demanding!!

Relationships……….Relatively painful

Posted in Relation, Thoughts by nagaje on February 6, 2007

Friends / Relatives  can be pain in the neck too.. Am I wrong??  I really do not know….I have read somewhere that Relation ships happen for selfish reasons!!…..Can be  so !! How self-less can any relation be??

All of us are into relationship with one or the other person..[ Can be matrialistic things too!! ] All these relations we maintain becoz we want something out of it !! Relationships can b stressful too!! Coz’ You are not in any realtion until U take the baggage of weight off the shoulders of other person….

Now the question comes here is

How much do you really able to accomadate???When can you start drawing that thin line between commitment to others and self !?!When to say ‘NO’?? Loads of irksome questions but who to find to answer them??

I have always have wondered Y  we need  any relation at all??  Social Security?? Our ID 🙂 ?? Our passport to newer Pastures?? Our need in lonelines?? ………………….. See as I said Its all us!! Our need!!! rgt?? So We look out for Realtions just bcoz we need not otherway round!!

Once you are in a relation …… Y do we take all the tensions and stress thts bound in it?? Can we not think of it??

I have felt Initially any relation to that matter starts as a need and going further becomes so much a part of the routine that we fail to realise  whether its the need or the habit …….and habits can b dangerous rgt??

We tend to get in to the hang of having someone around and then we r lost out if we really do not get to meet them ….see them….be with them…. U know it gets on to nerves and thats when it can be stress causing.. in a relationship . How do we destress ?? No clues!!   😦    May be if we know the basic difference between the need / want / habit of having someone around… know how to enjoy the space n the relationship and not letting that space to really widen and cause the relationship  to suffer.

Another facet to relation is when you can not say that omnious ‘NO’ to someone you like ..love ..you are related to!! People have minted money writing books ” How to say NO”….    “When to say NO” and Speakers on this topic are really very busy..Too!!! Don’t we all face this ?? how will I say…..NO to him/her?? And thats when we end up pulling the greatest baggage of the other person and getting choked under its weight.. though not ours!!! 

We all start a relation for a selfish want of self satisfaction and end up making mess of everything around…… Now thts… LIFE rgt?? No answers still  🙂  as usual !!