Women R after all not from Venus…..

It’s always assumed that women are the species from Venus!! ……. The Romance world…. Think again….. May be YES !!  for a girl its Flowers …. Gifts….. Soft Music… that gives the Romantic feeling…

but I say she knows where to draw the line….. & ….start thinking from the Grey cells… surprised??? But Ironically, that is the Truth….. 

Men can throw every other caution to wind…..  and sit brooding … though they may do it privately &  in the nights without any audience….  May be even howl like babies to sleep… They pine for their Love….They take longer time to get over their love than women…  

A study at University of Albany challenges  that its Women who aspire for achievements and are more focused than Men There are numerous Women out there who puts Career ahead to any Relationship….

Why is that so???. ……  Women are always preconceived to be recognized because of her relation to men…. Daughter … Friend…. Love….Wife….Companion….Mother…. Nobody  thinks of  women when you say  Engineer ….. Doctor….Pilot….Sepoy…

But think again …… the moment you hear … Cook ….. Maid… Nurse… Teacher….you definitely  visualize  Women….  Is that why  Women are striving to make it in their Careers???? Not in relationships???? 

Something to munch….. on…. relaxed Weekend !!!

Can marriages survive infidelity?? One that is history too!!

People marry for various reasons … But can the marriage strengthen the realtionship or does it provide an platform to dig into the human nature of the partners or even the past to draw a curtain ……..on existing good  Life! …… Sad! Yeah….

Its always right for a girl to confess that she was having affair before wedding they feel that they are being angels of honesty in the act… but on the same score can they really accept the fact that even men could have had affirs? in the same past..

More so bcoz for a man affair is an impule buy… an easy sexual oppurtunity too good to pass up.. a woman may weigh the consequences .. thus a confesssion of infidelity can be a too scary .. it can bring the devil out of a wife .. as she feels the infidelity is a kind of rejection to them..only!!

Most of the times straying out of marriage need not be for sex .. or  wife… It can be her nagging sense of insecurity.. and constant appeal for assuring the love is always there ..can get stiffling too.. Ironically most of the couples have accepted the fact that the heated arguments always end up in passionate Sex.. but it can stimulate lot of withdrawal symptoms .. 

Though men  do not look around for any newer pastures….. you end up being nice to a listening ear , compassionate person.. who gives what men always want .. admiration.. to  everything they do!!.. good ..intelligent.. great in bed.. nice company .. are all the well accepted norms  a man would want to hear….  All this without an ounce of commitment…… for any kind of relation..but believe me they get it too.. loads of them

All they can end up saying is  ” I got Carried away!! “  “I was trying to runaway from an imaginary problem to end up here!! “  Nice to hear ??.. Men are too good at saying …….. ‘ why can’t she see I need her??”………. I come home to Good Hug and Hot meal.. Followed by hot meat ….. I do not want to change my lifestyle for her…….. I feel my life’s getting slotted into hers.. Common quotes??? Huh??…………….. “Men need to be applauded for what they’re bringing to the relationship, whether it’s sexually, romantically or financially,”

 ”Often affairs are the angry response of the person not getting what he legitimately wants and needs from the marriage and feeling as if his partner just refused to give it,”……. How can we solve it???Big question??

Simple answer BeOpen .. Be honest… Ask … Don’t assume.. Be compassionate.. try and understand… give it Time.. and more so do not hate!!!

Cheerio………..

A girl & her Insecurity!!

Just another prattle of an Idle mind….A little story that goes with love and relation…..

There is this Boy who is out of home this weekend on a personal/professional  work.  Girl is pretty much aware of the situation, it is the work that pulls him to go out on these trips but riduculously she starts feeling insecure .

Specially when the girl never meets him over the week not having him around in the weekend should not be making any difference Ideally!! But the fact that both seem to keep weekends busy themselves brings a large disconnect between them for quite sometime, probably.  Best part is Girl is more bothered on these issues than the guy!! Not a big wonder   rgt?

There is always talk about things getting better.. with more expectations added up … everytime .. nothing turned in to miracle…So it  was obvious that they weren’t going to be getting together.

 She calls him tells she is finding it difficult to accept that they are not meeting and tht she gets this wierd idea that he does not want spend time with her… He assures her that no such thing infact he wishes to spend time nad at the last minute both plan elsewhere!! She feels he is right & tells him everything is alright now!! She fels good!!

It’s Difficult for the Girl to hide all those girly feelings…. insecurities…. But nature ??? Girl is a Girl … & one can not keep acting to be sane when it is actually not so…..She always feels he does not know what bothers her, or that she is giving this relation too much of space.. or she even thinks the relation is existing only because of her…there is kind of no fire in the relation… She feels the boy is immersed in his own sea of worries…. no time for her!!

He does not make an attempt to call her and Y not! he had his stuff going great … but the girl has this butterflies in the stomach and is sure that something is clearly missing….. 

 But Now Giril is a girl as I said !! Can We really help her????

Thts another musing….

MEN behind EVERY Single woman!!

Every article , interview, personal notes, biographies.. Autobiogrphies.. U name .. of any suucessful MAN.,  Talks of a woman behind Her!! … … but is it not the other way also!!

Woman is by nature is a simple in the outlook but can solve the complex maze of familial problems .. can crate an havoc if she intends too !!

” Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ”   But at the same time A woman gets compared to mother earth ,  beauty, patience … Boss U name it and she has it that is the temendous mine of virtue galore a woman has!!

A Woman goes out of her way to be good to any one by her natural behaviour  but who cahnges her… belive me  a MAN  can change her into a monster . I just do not mean in terms of cruelty but aggressiveness too!!

If she has to be a crusader their has to be a burn somewhere tht made her so… I just am not saying it has to be a burn only!!

A father can pump all his un-nurtured  goals in to his pretty princess….

A Brother can be a solid wall of support for the baby sister!!

A beautiful love can nourish her way to Glory  too!!

But with these more than reality of events .. we happen to see

A Female child getting abused !

A Girl getting demoralised against a boy….

Society too sneers at Girl born!

A girl cheated by a man goes all the way to prove her self in the most contemptuous manner…..

Two faces of the same coin.. where the girl can be nourtured!! she gets forced into proving her worth…

Just like the  fact that  A dessert bloom also looks Vibrant …. unique…with all the rough weather… as pretty as a rose nurtured !!!

Tht was just a thought of a Broken mind!!

Cheerio………….

In constant search for emotional security!!

What’s  security got to do with Emotions?? Is that a wonder.. Lemme tell you something ..  As long as  one feels secure with the emotions not going haywire…. Life really seems Beautiful.

More so I guess emotional security forms the pivotal issue with a woman…A  Relationship can give safety with lot of commitment .. uncoditional acceptance.. honesty trust can add up to feeling safe in a realtion..

Sometimes Physical  &  financial factors create lots of safe feeling of safety.. but they can be bargained aginst emotional feel of safety.

A woman feels sfe with a man who is sure of anything he does and achievess the expected results within the frame of time quoted.. that way she is sure of putting the belief of him…

A woman does not want any relationship that makes her feel  ” This is getting nowhere”  I can assure a normal girl/woman would do anything and everything for a relation that she feels safe in .. My word ;-) .. She needs to be with her man just to avoid he fear of being alone always its a feeling of safety tht two can wade the stormy waters than one!! Probably thts the reason woman craves to spend more time with her man!!

For a man the reason he love sher.. he is happy with her.. or even  wants to see her happy is more than an emotional factor and that need not be the integrity  of emotions.

Always woman is ready to wait to find out…if her man has interest in commitment to relation or really feels trapped !!! Believe me guys keep thinking on this note..U know.. ” woman are like electronic gadgets you buy one and realise you could have gone for a better model “ types!!

Man looks at a partner ” who understands him for what he is”  and accpte him as he is… If a bit of emotional grip comes from the woman he is in love with …. he starts feeling he should have found someone else.. or literally starts looking out for new person….

A love or a relation can happen when all this is taken care of!!  What say?? Not EQ but ES

Fear of Losing… Brings the Monster in you…………….!!

Fear … !!   Phobia.…!!!!.. Terror…!! Horror…!! Panic..!! GRrrrrrrrr…..the very basic Primal ghost that is all around us!!

Are we sure?? …….No ……..  Fear is what lies WITHIN..… Not around!! So much Deep buried inside that to uproot the very existance of it becomes a life’s Challenge!!

Fear can range in various intencities.. like….. mild caution.. to……extreme paranoia….Y do we fear something..  What are the effects on life’s smooth ride??? Fear can cause helluva havoc on anybodies life!!

It’s more a trouble when you speak with respect to relationships….. Lets see what this is all about!!

Anxiety is always fine and can be controlled infact would vanish automatically within few days….Like a New job… Marriage!…… even child birth… can give loads of anxious moments but once you test the waters you get used to the idea and life becomes smooth again……

Fear of known… is again kinda natural….. .. you know the effect of fire so when there is an outbreak you are afraid of it is just so common… Fear of water…you must have fallen into water sometimes in the past and must have been uncomfortablwe with the breathlessness you experience .. can also be easily explained and elimineted!! …This fear is response to actual danger and not envisaged!!

“Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.“

Fear of Unknown… and fear of the Imaginary … are the darkest deamons to humanity and can be destructive in the relationships….. 

“Once bitten twice shy!!” A small bad patch in life can make you so over-cautious that you stop enjoying the moments of life and begin seeing the unknown ghosts. in fact you start digging for something bad to happen.. and belive me human mind’s thinking power is so strong that we create the deamons that we Fear!!

“Only your mind can produce fear.“

Human mind can visualise so powerfully that we can think of bad and that becomes worse than ever “Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” …

Because you fear you may lose somebody you hold fast to them so much more strongly that you forget that you can end up suffocating the other person… you may nag them to death..!!and more than obviously! the person may want to tear apart from you or even he keeps off from you for short periods of time and that will be again a big concern to you you try and get much more out of the relationship withut even realising the staleness that has already started creeping in and a big series of chain reactions and vicious circle of habits that bring the unwanted death to the relationship. caused by nothing else but a small bad experience and the fear …..that was attached to it!!

Fear of Losing Someone in relation ship is another grave tangent to the epitome of fear…

When we have any kind of relationship  it becomes  habit forming!! than an nurturing aspect of Life!! So any thing that you start getting possescive you tend to bind all your emotional energies into it.. and that is when you start getting the fear of losing it..

Believe me if Insurence companies could have Policies for human relations the would make the highest revenues!! That is the level of insecurity you can find among the relationships and more so because of the fear of losing it!!!

Fear can be so destructive that you may end up saying that what is not mine can not be happy!! and you intentionally hurt the person!! now that is fear psychosis.. a dangerous state a human can slip into .. can be as bad as Suicidal….

 Hmmm.. thts where I want to stop !!!

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

Can you go back….. to Old Love????

Old Flame??? Quite handy?? Isn’t?? ever wondered why people go back to their old love / spouse long aftr they get separated??

Oh.. Yeah we do  get to read lot of celebrity news making a big hue and cry about how they find their way back to old love!! But…..It does happen with our lives too!!  The common man!!

There is always this special lure of the lost love ……  You know what I feel the craving for what you already had and lost remains true for all those little material assets of life too…

 People get attached with things and losing is really hurtful…. Some people try to get things back more with vengence rather with the love for it…… I would say this applies to love more so than with anything else you try to get things over or try and get better things…

but a love lost??? !!!!  ……Grrrrr… People can not digest to see their ” once upon a time love ” with anyone else… Any day…

Just imagine if you happen to bump into old GF/ BF in the shopping mall with someone…ELSE…….. Don’t you get wildest of  thoughts that somehow breaks them apart…

Quite natural… Its just that we need to understand that it was one day ours and we can not have anybody have it today!! …Just the human instinct of  envy that makes us thinkl so…

Just another stupid thought for today!!! but a sore thought!! I know ……….. But Mind is supposed to be a wagaband!! rgt?????

Do woman need Motherhood????

How many times you meet a girl or a would be mother at a gyneac’s place who roll their eyes and say  ” We had not Planned!!”    ”Happened by Chance!!”  ” Did not take Care” ” Missed the Count!! ” …. list is on….   Suprised???… Don’t be.. They may not say out Loud but ironically that is the Real bed room story!!

Motherhood  is  supposed be high and glory of Womanhood!  :-) But Are woman really up to it?? especially today’s generation??? Big question rgt??

On  personal front I do not think I can really take care of a child and make him one best Human being… I have so many ambitions myself and am stiving to cater to that and will I really be doing justice???  to a sweet new born who has only me to depend on everything will I be able to put my energies and get the cognition process of the child in the right way??? IF I can not…… then  what right do I have to bring a child to the world and  help him grow into a monster??? 

Today’s world we see people having  pausity of time to do regular chores owing to their proffesional stress and being ambitious to climb the ladder of success rest of the world takes a back seat… So where is  Motherhood..

No doubt you hav a mother or an co-operative mother-in-law or even a full time servent maid.. and creche are growing in the urban area like mushrooms to work like a day school.. Are we being fair to the child ??

Can we call a Mother???  Just becoz  biologically you are a mamal ???? If one can concieve a child and be called as Mother,  Thenwhy would anybody coin the phrase ” Biological Mother “  and it gets accepted world wide without an opposition !!!!  Mother needs to nurture the child .. and that is a BIG  responsibility….. and it start right from the day  you concieve !!!

 I happen to overhear an expecting mother say… I am so busy in the office work that I am not able to read  ” Baghavadgita” / Ramayan…  [ The great Indian epics] … In India, It is believed that expecting mother needs to read these great stories to make the child get the right values… Fine!! I get it.. it may be  a Myth!! There are lot of  who say practice YOGA……….,  Meditate………., Relax ……….. Be calm……. abstain from alchohal Cigarette!!!   all this are good for child brith ………..Hmm now!! that’s not a blind belief atleast ..

See you need to take motherhood resposibilities right from DAY ONE!! and how can you start neglecting after the child is born??? And if we are not capable of it !! Dare you become  a MOTHER!! You have no right!!!

Huge percentage become mothers for various reasons and that certainly is not Motherhood!! Family inheritence…..Prove your Virility / Feminity!!  … continue family Legacy!! List can get offensive!!!

Now that’s a  thought one should seriously get into Rgt???

Some thoughts on Mother!!

” When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child  “

” A man’s work is from sun to sun, but a mother’s work is never done  “

” If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? “

” Give me the life of the boy whose mother is nurse, seamstress, washerwoman, cook, teacher, angel, and saint, all in one, and whose father is guide, exemplar, and friend.  No servants to come between.  These are the boys who are born to the best fortune.  “

His and Hers ……….!!! Worth it???

Most commonly seen on Wedding collection of Watches….. Bathroom towels of your hotel …. rgt??? Going further Real estate buddies are predicting the boom in apartments with two Master Bed rooms with  ‘ his & her realms ‘…… to look forward to!!!

 Sounds funny??? No it is not a Joke …. Married couples are writing new set of rules into thr wedding bliss…. With  number of female counterparts  rising in the professional rung and men who want a         ‘ working ‘ wife………. More so with the on-site interaction work happening which  bridges the gap between seven seas and work flow gets into the late working pattern….. People are finding paucity of  time to catch few winks …… let alone enjoy the Beauty sleep… You still are Lucky being single .. you can hop into bed the moment you reach home!!

Married people are facing lot of problems …. Spouse snoring….. young children ….  spouse waking up in the middle of the night… list goes on….. and people feel its a real bliss if you can get a mattress away from all to drop dead on bed!!!

Men .. the survey has shown are not keen on changing into these new habit of having separate bedrooms for couple.. where as good percentage of women feel its Romantic [I wonder!!]  and helps in rekindling the affair…

U know…………..    Your Bed or Mine     types !!!  Giime a  Break!!

With lot of women thinking on being too individualistic and are really craving for that         ‘ Space ‘ in the relationship I really wonder days are not far away when pre marriage arrangements include  finding two Apartments in a building to house the husband and wife !!

What say???

 Far fetched idea??? You never know!!

Insecure???? Read on…..

Angleo Picardi and his team from Italian National Institute of Rome reported in a research that feeling of Insecurity may cause havoc to our Immune system…  matches with another research that says “Chronic stress can Impair Immunity “

Now…..  Impact depends upon how an individual responds to the situation… 

It has been proven that people who have difficulty in establishing trust in close relationships show weaker  “ Natural killer  “ I meant The Immune system… is less lethal. 

Researchers have coined ‘ attachment insecurity ‘ which is specially  feeling uncomfortable with the emotional intimacy or worry of being abandoned by the Loved ones…..  

According to O’Connor & Zeanah   ……  

“ Attachment is fundamental to healthy development, normal personality, and the capacity to form healthy and authentic emotional relationships ”   

“Attachment is the base of emotional health, social relationships, and one’s worldview” –Zeanah, C., 1993 Healthy brain development is built on a secure attachment relationship. Attachment is a process. It takes time. Only key to its formation is trust, and trust becomes secure only after repeated testing. 

 Meaning….saying, “I love you,” and knowing what that really feels like, can be two different things.  

Now what are the Sure – Subtle signs of Attachment issues? 

 Ø      Sensitivity to rejection

Ø      Avoiding comfort zone

Ø      Difficulty discussing angry feelings

Ø      Over-valuing looks & Appearances

Ø      Sleep disturbances

Ø      Anxiety about changes

Ø      Secretiveness   

This can have adverse effects throughout the lifespan…..markedly disturbed and inappropriate Social Relatedness…..  

Adults have four attachment styles: Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, and Fearful Avoidant…………..  

Style of Secure attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationships…… for them its not an issue if other do not accept them… I love you and I am happy you love me … and no problems if they do not love me…

 People Anxious – Preoccupied  style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy & approval from relationships. They value intimacy so much  they become overly dependent…. U know.. “ I love her so much… I do not understand Y she does not love me as much as I love …!”   

Dismissive – Avoidant attachment style of people desire a high level of independence and this  desire for independence is as much as avoidance to attachment. They feel self-sufficient and not vulnerable to feelings related to close  realtionships…… “ I am fine by myself “  is the attitude…  

Fearful – Avoidant attachment style people  have mixed feelings about close relationships more so with the negative views and feel  unworthy of Love and do not Trust!!   “They keep thinking about the intentions of people before & after getting into relationship”

 So complex!! Ain’t??  Lets make ur Relations  better  for others