Detachment !! Love more ??

Detachment—like love, it’s a state of being …Detachment is about the soul leaving everything behind and ‘journeying’ to its Lord.

 

One of the reasons I took to the concept of detachment like a duck to water was that I was compelled by the argument that,

When you  are in love—with a person or a thing—is that it becomes the centre of our inner universe. .Over a period of time that person’s  world began to stop revolving around you. This causes friction because that person  will  still the centre of your universe.  Its an universal phenomenon In some way or other, it will change. You are sure to get into depression, you become desperate you feel like running away from everything .. Irony of the tragedy is that you know that is not the answer and is not possible.

Now take a different look at the situation.. nothing will ever change because you want it to change. You need to change …….. nothing in the world asked you to make a person center of our universe that is today making you desolate. Set yourself free… in fact set the person free rather than placing him/ her in the center of your universe binding or compelling them to be there.

Your identity will change your outlook will change the same person can become everything of your life now without confining to the space of your universe. you now become two independent but vastly interconnected people

There is a saying  “Live free of love, for its very peace is anguish; Its beginning is pain, its end is death.”

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Thus  detachment is freedom. Freedom from the bonds of deluding and unrealistic expectations in relationships. To be detached is to let go, of that  anxiety-driven desperation demolishes you frantically want to preserve.

 

One should enjoy the beauty relationship without being caught in its possessive grasp. Possessiveness is a poison : whereas detachment lets you stand by yourself & still be an integral part  relationship.

 

 
It is more about giving space & having your own to explore. By being detached we can get out of that prison if false sense of protection and enjoy the limitless avenue that you can be proud of and soar into unbound horizon . Detachment by itself does not mean separation its just that its more care , faith & courage to an enriched wholesome relation.

 

 

Cheers.

Losing??…… Father??

Everything in Life loses meaning …… when you lose the very  reason for existance of life ……  Each day starts with a gloom and each night  unfolds dreary, dark , endless unfathomable journey into yourself ….. where all you can feel is the numbness ……. I stare into nothingness that is spread in front of my eyes so vast  that I  see nothing else!!

When I  sit howling into the night alone … I wonder  where did all the years go?? I never realised I spent ages without looking at myself in the mirror… It was the attachments / commitments / relationships that formed the very purpose of my being…….

When you lose the elixir of life…….. the main relationship what do you do?? I am yet to find answeres …. I am struggling to face the same question every day that hits me fresh… What went wrong?? Why did I lose?? What do I do?? What next?? endless Sea of conflicts that arise in me!!

My father was World to me….. Life’s day began with him… & ended for him ……  But the void that is created now is a bottomless pit……. that is filled with despair….. how am I going to cope with it???

A loss can create another loss!!!! Surprised no….. Not able to come to terms with what I am going through… I started desperately falling back on everything I had …… every small thing…..believe me WWW is the best gift to mankind if you know how to use it…….

I sit Googling [ Another life saving aide] just to see how the world takes pain ….  how the world copes with it all ….searching for the virtual brethren …. Hoping to minimise my pain pangs reading about others suffering ….. Accepting loss as the world is full of people like me…….

Can you read pain?? here?? I don’t know if you can…… pain is only felt….. unless you have already gone through the similar loss….. I don’t know….

I  was on one such journey into the virtual world.. trying to understand other’s sufferings so that I can forget my  loss atleast momentarily….. I read this heart tearing story of a father [ and here Iwas trying to forget the loss of a father..... I was extra curios to understand how father's take loss!!! ]

This guy was fighting a legal battle for the custody of his beautiful little princesses  [ I am fighting the loss of ownership of a father ] and when the judiciary system failed to show him justice ……. he could not take the loss …..  he killed the kids on the visitation day and hanged himself ……

 

NEWS :  Father killed children after losing custody!!

A man who is believed to have smothered his two young daughters while they were on a weekend custody visit telephoned their mother to say “the children have gone to sleep forever” before killing himself, it emerged last night

read further …..  here 

Is that the way to cope with grief???? Can I do it too ??  Who ??  How ?? Where??  When?? ………A lot of new unanswered  questions to add to the bandwagon…….

Where does this end  ?????………….  Will it End ???  Agony!!!

Hoarding??? Let Go!!….. Where..?? You should know!!

 

Sunday…..Busy clutter cleaning time…..with time paucity… I was all hands.. all over my cupboard….my desk…. everywhere ……. THEN … I only heard the clink  ….. and yeah…. my room was strewn over by those shining crystal pieces… small ones tinkling whenever the light fell on them… I could even see the red piece …  that was once a crystal heart …..

 Wondering what  I am getting at ?? … Yeah… I had this crystal angel with the red heart in its hands falling off my book rack….. and …. was broken into pieces  … I was aghast ….. at the sight of it  ….. OR was I really ???

Let me think about it …….. I got this quaint little  piece four years back on my Birthday [ You know friends they will try to impress you with anything ].. … … I did not know where to keep it …… finally it found its way on the top of my book rack along with all those little things that share the same space…… Oh …. believe me I have so many such pieces all around my sweet little room… in fact my room is my home… so  you can imagine its a small museum by itself !!!hmmmm …. with me as the Masterpiece   ….

You find so many such things in my room… an old ticket to park… a  chocolate wrapper  … a movie ticket …. a parking ticket  … small hotel bill  …..  bus ticket …  you name it …. I have all of them … my sweet little souvenir’s … sounds familiar  ???  Welcome to the Fraternity…. of… HOARDERS….. he he We hoard them all …. not knowing where they will be used … and just not getting to trash them …..

Well ….. If I think hard …. I am rather more than happy to clean the whole thing ……. Come to think of it …… most of us keep all those unnecessary old things and never find a reason to throw them …. we keep hoarding them …….  We all do ….. We fail to realise …… actually  hoarding– is against our own prosperity  …… I have also heard that  whatever that can be replaced with money should never be regretted ….

Apparently …… Letting  go is not only for the material stuff … but for the feelings and  Relationships as well .. I guess that’s where the never-say-die attitude of an average Indian comes to help….. Being able to shrug off and Move on …… U Know …… Let Go …… One can not sit and worry endlessly  about what can not be helped or replaced …… 

So long as one keeps thinking of old love ….. old relationship ….. harbouring  any kind of feelings of …… resentment … hatred …. memoirs …. reproaches …. sadness …. its going to be very difficult to pave way to a new relationship…. If at all one needs to forge a new relationship … one has to create that void… that need …. to have a new one and it is just not possible … until you let go ….. create that space for the new ……..

Not everybody wants to voluntarily part with ……  may have to forcibly part with people …  What becomes more important is that we need to learn from our past relations ….. we need to understand our own mistakes  rather than worrying about the wrong that happened …. and move on to having better outlook on Life ….. Love….  being more positive ….  more dynamic …. that way it becomes easy to form a new equation with a different new person……..

Thus for life to give that  second , fresh , another chance to Love ….. allow love to enter your life , create that empty space  …. . and that is possible only when you LET GO  ……….

Yeah I know ……. having said all that … its just not easy ……..  needs lot of self drive ….. Lot of Support ….  Motivation from around us…. and yeah double yeah…….. Lucky are those who have all the support they need to wade through …….

But

You know what ……. “ When the going gets tough…….. The tough gets going…. isn’t ?? ”

MEN behind EVERY Single woman!!

Every article , interview, personal notes, biographies.. Autobiogrphies.. U name .. of any suucessful MAN.,  Talks of a woman behind Her!! … … but is it not the other way also!!

Woman is by nature is a simple in the outlook but can solve the complex maze of familial problems .. can crate an havoc if she intends too !!

” Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ”   But at the same time A woman gets compared to mother earth ,  beauty, patience … Boss U name it and she has it that is the temendous mine of virtue galore a woman has!!

A Woman goes out of her way to be good to any one by her natural behaviour  but who cahnges her… belive me  a MAN  can change her into a monster . I just do not mean in terms of cruelty but aggressiveness too!!

If she has to be a crusader their has to be a burn somewhere tht made her so… I just am not saying it has to be a burn only!!

A father can pump all his un-nurtured  goals in to his pretty princess….

A Brother can be a solid wall of support for the baby sister!!

A beautiful love can nourish her way to Glory  too!!

But with these more than reality of events .. we happen to see

A Female child getting abused !

A Girl getting demoralised against a boy….

Society too sneers at Girl born!

A girl cheated by a man goes all the way to prove her self in the most contemptuous manner…..

Two faces of the same coin.. where the girl can be nourtured!! she gets forced into proving her worth…

Just like the  fact that  A dessert bloom also looks Vibrant …. unique…with all the rough weather… as pretty as a rose nurtured !!!

Tht was just a thought of a Broken mind!!

Cheerio………….

In constant search for emotional security!!

What’s  security got to do with Emotions?? Is that a wonder.. Lemme tell you something ..  As long as  one feels secure with the emotions not going haywire…. Life really seems Beautiful.

More so I guess emotional security forms the pivotal issue with a woman…A  Relationship can give safety with lot of commitment .. uncoditional acceptance.. honesty trust can add up to feeling safe in a realtion..

Sometimes Physical  &  financial factors create lots of safe feeling of safety.. but they can be bargained aginst emotional feel of safety.

A woman feels sfe with a man who is sure of anything he does and achievess the expected results within the frame of time quoted.. that way she is sure of putting the belief of him…

A woman does not want any relationship that makes her feel  ” This is getting nowhere”  I can assure a normal girl/woman would do anything and everything for a relation that she feels safe in .. My word ;-) .. She needs to be with her man just to avoid he fear of being alone always its a feeling of safety tht two can wade the stormy waters than one!! Probably thts the reason woman craves to spend more time with her man!!

For a man the reason he love sher.. he is happy with her.. or even  wants to see her happy is more than an emotional factor and that need not be the integrity  of emotions.

Always woman is ready to wait to find out…if her man has interest in commitment to relation or really feels trapped !!! Believe me guys keep thinking on this note..U know.. ” woman are like electronic gadgets you buy one and realise you could have gone for a better model “ types!!

Man looks at a partner ” who understands him for what he is”  and accpte him as he is… If a bit of emotional grip comes from the woman he is in love with …. he starts feeling he should have found someone else.. or literally starts looking out for new person….

A love or a relation can happen when all this is taken care of!!  What say?? Not EQ but ES

Fear of Losing ???

I was really concerned about the way people access blogs & info centers with this tag !! 

Looks like a large crowd out their is really bothered about “LOSING” somebody!! That somebody I am sure must be the loved one!!

Now Primarily lets understand Y this fear of Losing…

 * Believe  me when I say If you lose someone that means to say they are not meant for you at all in the first place…

* If Somebody leaves you nad goes thn there has to be a misunderstanding!! Think about IT!! Try and cear out the mess .. No matter who is the root cause!! That is Only If you value the relationship… Even after the honest patient attempt if things do not go well leave it at that Love is something that comes back to you if it is yours… else just ignore .. May be that person is not worthy of you!!!!

* Fear is  a physical state of mind that eats up the basic clarity on reason and logic… Y should you fear something?? Think of what can happen if you lose this person??? ..  I do understand its easier said than done!! But .. Its worth the attempt!!

* Lifes’s all about Change!! If you have  lost someone today.. May be you are destined to meet someone else .. and who knows he/she may be better too!!

Hey !! I Belong to this category!!  Do You???

Cheerio. 

Who’s Life R U living anyway!!

Well….. OURS???? ……..  Think ….. Really???………

No way Boss u do not live Ur Life!!

Now shout &  ask who’s !! Anyway??

 Hmm ……… Everyone else’s ………… Yeah think again…….

U wake up !! to alarm.. kept to may be switch on the geyser….. make tea…. wake up call to some one……

U take bath.. Aarthi time!!… Get spouse ready.. kids ready for breakfast….!!!

U work????.. then off to office you change from the  person  you are and don  on a corporate robe  … irrespective of what’s on mind u start flashing smiles …… nods……. . acknowledgements.. …..all around!!..Life!!

Tea time some friends.. u try and show ur mood swings… ur apprehensions……

 Evening nice party u change into guest role… nice and….. courteous

Think of any day in your life u literally live for others and change accordingly…

Married?? change life style ..preferences as per ur in-laws[ Supposedly most obnoxious].. .. spouse’s

Mingling in life then ur would be partner takes UR toll!!

Single ..ready to mingle … peer pressure to get the Mr/Ms RIGHT.

Single only .. parents boss all over you….

Done with the major chunk of life?? Retired??.. Ur  kids  smother u around!![ U tend to stay with them to avoid old age homes]

I am damn sure your mind must be whirring with the thoughts that haunt when u are being limited by so many factors …  of your life style!!

Atleast what best can be done is….. give some time for self … alone for just reflecting into self…..

Do something that give you the best feeling once in a while to get a breather!!….

Think.. on these lines u get enough.. ways..

I LIVE MY LIFE   some part of the day!! DO U???

Fear of Losing… Brings the Monster in you…………….!!

Fear … !!   Phobia.…!!!!.. Terror…!! Horror…!! Panic..!! GRrrrrrrrr…..the very basic Primal ghost that is all around us!!

Are we sure?? …….No ……..  Fear is what lies WITHIN..… Not around!! So much Deep buried inside that to uproot the very existance of it becomes a life’s Challenge!!

Fear can range in various intencities.. like….. mild caution.. to……extreme paranoia….Y do we fear something..  What are the effects on life’s smooth ride??? Fear can cause helluva havoc on anybodies life!!

It’s more a trouble when you speak with respect to relationships….. Lets see what this is all about!!

Anxiety is always fine and can be controlled infact would vanish automatically within few days….Like a New job… Marriage!…… even child birth… can give loads of anxious moments but once you test the waters you get used to the idea and life becomes smooth again……

Fear of known… is again kinda natural….. .. you know the effect of fire so when there is an outbreak you are afraid of it is just so common… Fear of water…you must have fallen into water sometimes in the past and must have been uncomfortablwe with the breathlessness you experience .. can also be easily explained and elimineted!! …This fear is response to actual danger and not envisaged!!

“Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.“

Fear of Unknown… and fear of the Imaginary … are the darkest deamons to humanity and can be destructive in the relationships….. 

“Once bitten twice shy!!” A small bad patch in life can make you so over-cautious that you stop enjoying the moments of life and begin seeing the unknown ghosts. in fact you start digging for something bad to happen.. and belive me human mind’s thinking power is so strong that we create the deamons that we Fear!!

“Only your mind can produce fear.“

Human mind can visualise so powerfully that we can think of bad and that becomes worse than ever “Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” …

Because you fear you may lose somebody you hold fast to them so much more strongly that you forget that you can end up suffocating the other person… you may nag them to death..!!and more than obviously! the person may want to tear apart from you or even he keeps off from you for short periods of time and that will be again a big concern to you you try and get much more out of the relationship withut even realising the staleness that has already started creeping in and a big series of chain reactions and vicious circle of habits that bring the unwanted death to the relationship. caused by nothing else but a small bad experience and the fear …..that was attached to it!!

Fear of Losing Someone in relation ship is another grave tangent to the epitome of fear…

When we have any kind of relationship  it becomes  habit forming!! than an nurturing aspect of Life!! So any thing that you start getting possescive you tend to bind all your emotional energies into it.. and that is when you start getting the fear of losing it..

Believe me if Insurence companies could have Policies for human relations the would make the highest revenues!! That is the level of insecurity you can find among the relationships and more so because of the fear of losing it!!!

Fear can be so destructive that you may end up saying that what is not mine can not be happy!! and you intentionally hurt the person!! now that is fear psychosis.. a dangerous state a human can slip into .. can be as bad as Suicidal….

 Hmmm.. thts where I want to stop !!!

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

Hopes Die hard!! Anybody can help too!!!!

There was this person with extreme illness lying on bed on seventh  floor of the hospital building in a  special  room, the bed was  close to the window …                                                                          

But because of the massive construction he was not  able to see  anything outside the window  except the wall  on the opposite  building and the water  pipes  that  ran  along the  length of the whitewashed wall and was  streaked with the fungus that must have grown for years  

                                       

The whole of the room had that dull and grey look about it that would kill a dead body too let alone refresh an ailing patient …..                                                                      

Day was filled with the doctors and nurses visiting the patient and trying to reassure the relatives it will be alright he will recover only he needs to be reassured …. he needs  love to live…….. 

                          

                               

But being the best of  rainy  days the room was turning more grey and gloom and that  could not liven up the patient at any cost he was lying on bed watching it pour for hours …..                                                                   

                               

Everybody was worried how to bring fun into his life  so that he can be made to live but nature had its own way of making things better showing its supremacy over the mankind ……                                                                            

                

There was a little climber along side of the  water pipe that looked like   yet another mud streak that filled the wall like graffiti ….                                                                                          

                     

One morning was made beautiful as this thin climber sprang into life  with two small  leaflets  brownish green in color…. so vibrant …..so full of life.. 

                                                               

          

And it  caught the patient’s eye and he was all joy with beauty  of those  tiny  representatives of life in front of him … He looked At its growth all day and his joy knew no bounds when he found that leaves were adding up day by day he watched  their growth as elixir to his own life ……………                                                                         

                       

Doctors were surprised at the improvement of his health and the relatives were all thanks to this small little plant outside the window by the side of his bed… that gave him happiness…..                                                                         

                                                                                                              

Again nature had its own designs that night storm broke loose and their was heavy downpour but not as heavy as the patient’s heart which sank  by every passing minute as the wind blew whistles shaking the little plant and as hours passed by he witnessed the wind withering one leaf after another and his heart sank so low  that everybody  could see him deteriorate in front of their eyes….                                                                           

                                           

All the relatives prayed the rain would stop or it would stop felling of the leaves so that the patient was not so disturbed by it as he was due for an surgery next day that would decide his life!!!        

                

With the heavy eyelids battling against sleep the patient tried to sllep hoping that one single leaf that was still  on to the climber will be their when he wakes up….. he could still hear the wind blowing harshly across and that left a small tear drop in his eyes even as he slept……

  

Next morning was as vibrant with the clean fresh air..and bright and sunny.. as the patient opened his eyes first thing he saw was the leaf on the opposite wall and the bright green color it was shining…. he was alll happy and set to ge to the operation theater and with good signs of health….. 

Only small smile crossed the lips of a relative ….. who spent half the night in the pouring rain… to draw  and paint the bright greeen leaf attached to the climber on the opposite wall that brought smile to the patient’s face……that his Small deed with loads of good intention had after all paid off!! that brought HOPE into the patient’s face!!!!

Big story I heard in my child hood ….. great lesson that can be learnt!! Another dull evening in my life that gave me so much of time …….   Enjoy!!!

                                    

Can you go back….. to Old Love????

Old Flame??? Quite handy?? Isn’t?? ever wondered why people go back to their old love / spouse long aftr they get separated??

Oh.. Yeah we do  get to read lot of celebrity news making a big hue and cry about how they find their way back to old love!! But…..It does happen with our lives too!!  The common man!!

There is always this special lure of the lost love ……  You know what I feel the craving for what you already had and lost remains true for all those little material assets of life too…

 People get attached with things and losing is really hurtful…. Some people try to get things back more with vengence rather with the love for it…… I would say this applies to love more so than with anything else you try to get things over or try and get better things…

but a love lost??? !!!!  ……Grrrrr… People can not digest to see their ” once upon a time love ” with anyone else… Any day…

Just imagine if you happen to bump into old GF/ BF in the shopping mall with someone…ELSE…….. Don’t you get wildest of  thoughts that somehow breaks them apart…

Quite natural… Its just that we need to understand that it was one day ours and we can not have anybody have it today!! …Just the human instinct of  envy that makes us thinkl so…

Just another stupid thought for today!!! but a sore thought!! I know ……….. But Mind is supposed to be a wagaband!! rgt?????