Everything in Life loses meaning …… when you lose the very reason for existance of life …… Each day starts with a gloom and each night unfolds dreary, dark , endless unfathomable journey into yourself ….. where all you can feel is the numbness ……. I stare into nothingness that is spread in front of my eyes so vast that I see nothing else!!
When I sit howling into the night alone … I wonder where did all the years go?? I never realised I spent ages without looking at myself in the mirror… It was the attachments / commitments / relationships that formed the very purpose of my being…….
When you lose the elixir of life…….. the main relationship what do you do?? I am yet to find answeres …. I am struggling to face the same question every day that hits me fresh… What went wrong?? Why did I lose?? What do I do?? What next?? endless Sea of conflicts that arise in me!!
My father was World to me….. Life’s day began with him… & ended for him …… But the void that is created now is a bottomless pit……. that is filled with despair….. how am I going to cope with it???
A loss can create another loss!!!! Surprised no….. Not able to come to terms with what I am going through… I started desperately falling back on everything I had …… every small thing…..believe me WWW is the best gift to mankind if you know how to use it…….
I sit Googling [ Another life saving aide] just to see how the world takes pain …. how the world copes with it all ….searching for the virtual brethren …. Hoping to minimise my pain pangs reading about others suffering ….. Accepting loss as the world is full of people like me…….
Can you read pain?? here?? I don’t know if you can…… pain is only felt….. unless you have already gone through the similar loss….. I don’t know….
I was on one such journey into the virtual world.. trying to understand other’s sufferings so that I can forget my loss atleast momentarily….. I read this heart tearing story of a father [ and here Iwas trying to forget the loss of a father..... I was extra curios to understand how father's take loss!!! ]
This guy was fighting a legal battle for the custody of his beautiful little princesses [ I am fighting the loss of ownership of a father ] and when the judiciary system failed to show him justice ……. he could not take the loss ….. he killed the kids on the visitation day and hanged himself ……
NEWS : Father killed children after losing custody!!
A man who is believed to have smothered his two young daughters while they were on a weekend custody visit telephoned their mother to say “the children have gone to sleep forever” before killing himself, it emerged last night
Is that the way to cope with grief???? Can I do it too ?? Who ?? How ?? Where?? When?? ………A lot of new unanswered questions to add to the bandwagon…….
Where does this end ?????…………. Will it End ??? Agony!!!
